Services
Cheap war bonds
War bonds are some of the top investments in the modern day. What better way to invest your hard-earned gold than modern war bonds? They have never been easier to buy. Click they link below to start wasting money now.
Poor financial advice
Wish to lose all your money in a professional manner? Our “professional” financial advisers can give you the best potential options in how to both waste and invest your money.
High risk investments
High risk, low rewards. We love to gamble with your money, weather we have your your money or not. If, in the unlikely scenario that you earn some sort of profit, you owe roughly 100% of your earnings to Absolute Trust Credit Union.
Withdraw pennies
We offer easy penny withdrawals of up to 12 tons at any of our 0 branches. A one dime service fee applies to every penny you withdraw. Premium members only pay a quarter per penny!
Actual Banking Services
Credit Cards
Pay now, pay later! We send semi-hourly credit card bills with just a healthy amount of fees (99.99% of the amount fees). An additional 15% per second in overdue fees will be charged to your account if we don’t get our money back.
Easy Online Banking
Open an online eChequing account for a very, very small fee. Than, get billed weekly in addition to that small fee. And just in case, we’ll add a transaction fee and a daily transaction cap.
Absolute Trust Credit Union 